City Tour: The Perfumed Privy & other taverns

The Perfumed Privy

Welcome to one of the best kept secrets in the city. The name puts most people off, the stink outside too. That's the smell of the OFFAL PITS; and believe me, it's a breath of fresh air compared to how it smells close up. That stench stays with you for days. This is as close as I'm bringing you, so don't frown so. I'll take you the long way to the RESIDENTS QUARTER. In the meantime, step inside. First drink's always on the house, so choose something good. I can heartily recommend the Bearded Ale, a dwarven brew that'll put hairs on your chest, regardless of your sex. See how quiet it is inside? It'll get busier later in the day, but not as crowded as the other taverns or drinking dens you'll find along CHEAPSIDE or even the GRAND BAZAAR. That large fellow, he's the owner, runs the bar most of the time, and cooks up a lovely stew once a week.

Hey Barney, got another lot. What'll you all be having? We can sit in the back room, through that beaded curtain there. That's one of the great things about the Privy; plenty of private rooms and secluded booths, a bit of privacy and quiet in the chaos of the city.

There are other taverns, of course. Some days it seems that there's a tavern or drinking den on every corner; no two are alike, and there's someplace for everyone. There're even more than a few taverns scattered about the TEMPLE QUARTER; for those priests who enjoy a drink there's the Pious Pilgrim; for those who prefer their drinks with less of a bite, there's a tavern called the Holy Chalice, a sombre place, best avoided to be honest. The district's have their own taverns, specialised for their clientele. In the ARTISANS QUARTER, the most popular place to drink, great if you're looking to meet a craftsman on neutral ground, is the blandly named Hammer & Anvil; the STONE DISTRICT has dwarf-designed and ran taverns especially for dwarf-folk. These are at least partially underground, with low-ceilings, little or no natural light, and frown upon non-dwarven patron; but, if you drink enough of their dwarven ale, or win one of their frequent drinking games, you'll be welcomed. The most tolerant of these 'Ale Pits', as they all them, is the Stone's Throw; the one to avoid, unless you're a dwarf of course, is the Orcs Skull, decorated with hundreds of skulls from slain orcs, goblins, and even ogres. They're a fierce lot who drink there, and are likely to lynch you if you're not a dwarf and try drinking there; if you're an elf, you'll be dead before you cross the threshold.

For a less troublesome drink, away from preachers, smiths or dwarves, there's the Soldier's Arms, just behind the MERCENARIES GUILD, which I'll point out to you when we finish the tour. They serve decent food, ale, and with the number of mercenaries who drink there, you'll be guaranteed some entertainment with a friendly brawl or two. A few streets on, closer to the East wall, is the Owlbear & Wyvern. It's renowned for its authentic stuffed Owlbear and mounted Wyvern head, both sat proudly on display in the taproom. Every year the City-Watch kidnap the Owlbear and hold it to ransom, for ale and free meals; a friendly game, with the landlord handing out a reward to anyone who can recover it before the end of the day.

Let's finish our drinks, then it's past the pits and on to the next part of the tour.


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